Cut the Cheeze

A good friend of mine had a saying that I have adopted as a credo, of sorts: “A joke is just a joke, but a fart is always funny.” Some say this is really immature of me, but I will always giggle when someone passes gas. This is why I couldn’t pass the opportunity, the other day, at the coffee shop to make the joke. There was some prep-work to be done in the back to get ready for lunch. This involved getting the condiments ready for the sandwiches, defrosting bread, and cutting the meats and cheeses. So, as I went into the back kitchenette, I announced to all who would hear- “I’m going in back to cut the cheese.” I smirked to myself, and waited for a laugh, only to get silence.

Returning to work I got everything ready for lunch and upon completion I mentioned to the staff, yet again, “I just cut the cheese.” They didn’t think it was as funny as I did so I moved on to find an easier audience.

My boss walked into the room and I was sure to inform her, “I just got everything ready for lunch. I made the pesto-mayonaise and cut the cheese.”

“Thanks,” she replied as she walked off.

I caught up with her again, and gave it a second try, “I just cut the cheese in the back.” She looked at my expectant smirk and asked, “What do you mean by that?”

You see, English is not my boss’ first language. Although she is very fluent now, she has missed many of the 2nd grade idioms I learned. Even though she had never heard “cut the cheese” meant in a funny way, she could tell by my expression that I was making some sort of joke. I explained to her what it meant and we discussed the many different ways someone might use the phrase “cut the cheese.”

I am telling you this story to illustrate another point about justification- besides my obvious attempt to build a humorous-righteousness by making a joke until someone laughed. The fact is we will search out thinks that will make us more righteous than others- even silly things. I fell for this myself by later telling someone that the boss didn’t know what “cut the cheese” meant. They were shocked she didn’t know it and we both had a good laugh at my boss’ expense.

The fact is my boss is really smart. If I only considered the fact that she speaks two languages very fluently that would be alone to prove how much smarter she is than I. Still, in an effort to prove myself better I have found something I can hold against her which I know but she doesn’t. I am subtly and desperately trying to find something with which I can justify myself- and I am so despirate that I will even justify myself by pointing out that someone doesn’t know what it means to “cut the cheese.”

We do this very easily, especially in the contexts of other languages. I remember meeting people who didn’t speak English and thinking that they were stupid. I thought this way until I went to Mexico for a week and I didn’t speak Spanish. I noticed that people treated me as if I were stupid just because I didn’t speak Spanish. It wasn’t that they just patronized me in the realm of communication, but they did other things for me that I could have done without their help. I am sure they didn’t know they were assuming my stupidity was deeper than my ignorance of the language.

A few years later I went to Peru for a couple weeks. There I observed the phenomenon again. This time I spoke enough Spanish to trick the Americans to think I could speak it, but so little that the Peruvians knew I didn’t speak Spanish. When Americans would ask me to translate I couldn’t believe how patronizing they were to the Peruvians, even in their own country. Again, this went beyond communications to thinking the Peruvians were incompetent in many other areas of life.

I don’t point this out to say the Americans I went to Peru with were terrible people. I think we would all make the same assumptions and errors no matter who went where. My point is how desperate we are to find something we are to justify ourselves at others expense.