Friendship Justification (part 1)

An important part of the coffee shop experience is developing a report with the customers. We’re not just trying to give people their daily dose of caffeine- we want to create an ambiance around the shop and that starts with customer relations.

So, how do you do this? In the same way you make a friend- by finding common interests. For each of the employees it’s a little different on how we approach this. As for me, I tend to discuss last night’s TV shows, NCAA basketball, and current events.

They say that relationships begin in stages. The first stage is a sharing of simple facts: did you watch the game last night? Did you see the traffic this morning? etc. After people are comfortable with each other they then branch out to start to share opinions. These usually start simple and safe (Who do you think will win the game tonight? or Wasn’t “My Name is Earl” hilarious last night?) but eventually they will become more daring (How can you vote Republican? or Don’t those Christians annoy you?).

This is where it becomes fun to watch people develop a relationship. Once people start to share their opinions with each other they take a chance that the other person will disagree. For some this is a big risk, and the fun begins when someone tries to cover their tracks after committing to an opinion that the other disagrees with: “Are you telling me that the White Sox will win the series again this year?” one says. “Well,… no…. I mean… they will be as good as they were last year but might not win the WHOLE series.” It’s even more funny when you know the people involved, and can watch them commit to things they honestly don’t agree with.

Why do we do this? (And I do mean “we” because you have to admit that we have each done this at one time or another) I think we backtrack and try to ease things over because we are trying to prove that we are worthy of being their friend. We are looking for others to fulfill our insatiable desire to be loved- and the more friends we have the easier it will be to convince ourselves that we are lovable. We risk all this, and the chance that yet another person won’t like us confirming our greatest fear- that we are really unlovable- when we start to disagree with each other. This is why peer pressure is so strong in Middle School and why we pretend to agree with people at the coffee shop.

In other words, we agree with people that we really don’t agree with because we want them to tell us that we are right. That way we can tell ourselves we are right. This way we can live with ourselves even though we have committed to something that we think is wrong. We are trying to justify ourselves again.

The only way to be set free from this is through Christ’s justification. If we are confident that he has made us right, we don’t have to make ourselves right by agreeing with someone that we disagree with. Only in Christ can we be set free from our insecurity that makes us so fickle.